As an aficionado of socio-philosophical theories, a seemingly more in depth subject would reflect my thought, but this time I can't hide how a cultural reality I have been dealing with has been seemingly unraveled. I call it a cultural reality because, until being opened up, it's been like walking in the dark with a flashlight not turned on.
Alright let's explore this, I may be right or precise or may be way out of line. Finding a good date would be the dream of most young men, who have a sort of stable life. In my search, I came across several people and that has helped me pop up some kind of unfounded theories about Ghanaian girls. When I read how to marry a Nigerian girl, some months ago, It kind of tickled an interest in finding out what it would be for Ghanaian girls. I didn't pay much attention until I started relating with few girls around me and closely observing them.
1. Be Ghanaian
In one of the webisode of the web-series, the African City, it's major character was dumped by her boyfriend for not being Ghanaian enough. Similarly, in Mary Eshun's, Serwaa Akoto's Diary, Serwaa was being skeptical about being accepted by Ghanaian guys who lived in Canada where she was, because she didn't have the Ghanaian body shape [Mind you 90% of the Ghanaian girls have nice butts, and maybe 95% have big breast]. All these references have a way to point out the significance of having a Ghanaian mannerism and lifestyle in order to appeal a Ghanaian man. Most of my colleagues have attested to the fact that such body shape and attitudes are what defined us.
I have a preference for expressing myself in good English and I always like to have a command over it. I have always aligned my likes and dislikes based on a global point of view rather than a Ghanaian. I like the global view because it's my standard. But in engaging with few girls I realized that when they noticed this attitude of mine, they see me to be unreal and quite hyperbolic and would say,
wo kyer3 wo ho.
In my study of a friend and her relationship, I realized that speaking of the twi language was a very important feature of her relationship. Your inability to express all your thoughts in twi makes you distant to a Ghanaian girl. They would like you, and speak all the good grammars with you, but you'll still be distant to them. Being Ghanaian is about being local, accepting things the way they are without really questioning much. A Ghanaian girl will speak twi to you, if you don't respond as such you'll be at distant with her.
This was closely observed as I began to speak more twi of late. My ability to communicate my thoughts in the local parlance makes people feel at home with me and would trust me more. So one key for you. Be Ghanaian.
2. Have control
Growing up in a high school, where emphasis were made on respect for the females, I have grown to be a person who hugely respects women. One girl who topped my class, and kept the boys at work, built in me a fact that women when given the nod would perform far better. I have always respected women, and don't see why I should be a control freak over them, plus their intuitiveness being a huge attraction for me. But in Ghana, women no matter how much being empowered are subjected to the men. That's why it's quite difficult for a woman with very high standards to find a suitor. This idea isn't only in the DNA of the man, but being embedded in the brain of the woman. Naturally, even biblically, women are supposed to be under the man. A Ghanaian girl knows this so well, so when you intend to be with her, and give her all the power, she ends up abusing it and you. Ghanaian girls like a man they can obey, a man they can submit to. She'll do almost everything you ask her to do, but if you don't posses that preponderance over her, sorry. To date a Ghanaian girl you must have control over her. Note that this isn't bullying or being a control freak, but you must have that sense of authority to silent her.
3. Solve it
Ghanaian guys who have their way with the girls, know how to solve the girls issue. The ability to do this comes from your preponderance over her. Remember we talked about it in the previous point. GH girls like guys who can sort out their conundrums and dilemmas. When you always turn to them for help, they can hardly see the man in you. In marriage this is somewhat different. But to date a GH girl, never ask for her help, especially emotionally. The moment you do so, you let her know you can't handle her.
The GH girl likes her man broke or not to be the kind of man that knows how to fix their problem whether they know how to do it or not. I have always wondered why my sister would call her husband who would have travelled out of town, when her car breaks down in the middle of the road. Obviously, he isn't going to come down and fix it, even my sister knows what to do, but she wants to hear from 'the man'. I put this question before my colleagues at work, and those who were married said, "
you don't know how it feels to be called to solve a problem, even if you can't, it simply means she trusts you more than the mechanic
". So when you meet a GH girl, never ask for too much help, especially emotional support.
4. Never think of change.
In Ghana, culture and norms easily trickle down to descendants. Women have always have the power to trap a man and change him. It's seldom to see a man change a woman. So never think of changing a GH girl. If she has an attitude that you don't like, prep yourself to deal with it or take a walk. Attempting to change her may ruin the whole thing. Especially if she's bigger in size. I would attest to girls really changing a whole part of me. It's natural for GH girls to get their guys to be more responsible, focused and respectable. But it isn't an easy job to try to change a GH girl to become somewhat.
5. But you are the man
There's this category of girls I have always stayed off and I pray God gives me patience to deal with them if they come my way. Well from my personal experience, these girls are easily found in Kumasi. These are the girls that always remind you that you are the man, especially when trouble surfaces, or even at insignificant issues. I had this friend who never called me, and when I asked why, she retorted, "but you are the man", I was quite befuddled, because she knew I wasn't interested in her, I was into her friend, and she was a good friend, why then I'm I supposed to do the calling always. When you date such girls, they'll so depend on you, because YOU RE THE MAN! I am of the firm believe that either friendship or relationship is mutually based. If she likes you as much as you do, she should call you, text you, or do things to/ for you as much as you would. Such girls never solve anything, except you are around. They don't know how to make their own money, they can't fix their own problems, they are the kind of people who end up being frustrated when they are aging and no man is being serious. They think their completeness is in a man. Even if they control their world, they don't mind handing everything to the man because, he's the man.
6. The Frankies
I'm sure we are already familiar with girls who are interested in sucking you up financially, but pretend to be crazy about you. I call them the frankies. I haven't had any serious encounter with such types but I've seen them at display. I recall in school when I was into this girl who usually comes with her friends to study by my lecture hall. I spoke to her, but she never disclosed to me that she was involved, rather she kept asking me to buy her lunch, and the sorts. One day I coincidentally met one of her friends at my hall, she came to look for her brother whose room was opposite mine. She told me to stay of her friend because she sees me as a serious person, and her friend does so to all guys who comes, and she would mock them in their presence. Well I took my cue. Not too long ago I also had this neighbor friend who would ask for fried rice anytime she saw my face, at first I thought, she was being enthusiastic about me and didn't know what to do other than to ask for something, but it persisted, then I knew she wanted to use me to fill her fantasies, meanwhile she doesn't even know how much pizza cost, yet she always want it. Thank God I took my cue. Stay away from such girls, they are time wasters and money suckers.
7. Be a puzzle
A typically intelligent girl is nuanced and won't give you all at once, you would have to work for it. Same way, be a puzzle. If they can easily unwrap you, you'll come across as easy and may not get the chance. Girls like guys they are afraid to loose. I recall few years ago when I was struggling to convince a girl, a senior colleague at office told me, "massa confuse her", I didn't get the whole idea, until I couldn't get her, then I understood what he meant by the confusion he talked about. When a girl has to think twice about loosing you, you've succeeded in confusing her. But if she can clearly see you and knows you can't really make any difference, she won't give you a chance. Few months after I couldn't get that girl, I was chaffering with her, and I asked her if she had started seeing someone, she told me, yes she was afraid to loose him. This is a very proven key when trying to get a GH girl. Never, I reiterate, never go after a girl when you are in need of a girl. You'll look desperate and hungry, that way she would see the vulnerable you, and can easily play with you. During the chase, it's their time, but never loose your preponderance as a man, because it's a vital key for creating the puzzling you.
*Someone may ask
Someone may ask why didn't I include the "be yourself" point. For me, that's a universal clue, and besides like I said in point 1, being yourself is being Ghanaian. Being at home with your culture and prevalent lifestyle. Obviously for anyone who intends to have a serious date, it isn't a hidden key to be yourself, except you aren't really in for seriousness. Because you don't want to be pretentious and come across like the perfect boyfriend. That has an high explosiveness.
Alright enough said. Note that the writer is single and not dating, so thoughts shared are not proven and may appear deceptive.
Danyl Oppong© 2014
No part of this should be copied or reproduced electronically or used without the writers consent. All content are solely opinions of the writer.
