Thursday, May 29, 2014

I Hope: Letter to Abena

When I first heard the  words to  Rebecca Ferguson's I hope, I tried to ask myself obvious questions, but starring in the mirror, i couldn't find the missing pieces. I listened to the song several times at respite moments to decipher how i'm so related to this, because i knew that i was some-worth related.  Like we say, time tells, so i left the box unpacked and hoped that time will tell. I have this undying hope, that i try to define, but its meaning is much larger than i can clutch. Time finally came, and at a wrong click, a text unravels this whole agitation and meta-emotion.  Then all of a sudden, the message sunk deeper. In the words of the I hope song (paraphrased)

"I used to...Look into your eyes so eagerly
and where there was cold
I wouldn't walk away
' is blind... so blind
But after a time
I realized that for me to grow
I've got to let go

I hope life treats you good
I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope
I hope life treats you well
I hope (s)he treats you well"

Its time for me to accept, and sink it deep through my skulls, that all i can do is but Hope for you.

This song resonates with that song i first heard from the stereo of a taxi driver, three years ago, people would ask, if you've hit a heartbreak if you were caught listening to the song, but today, i understand every single word in it, i meant, Adele's Someone Like you. Actually, what gets me trapped is the delusion of finding someone like you. I like the word you used yesterday, -to explore, it's not been a friendly word when this is concerned, because of the trap of finding someone like "you" -the you personified. Here's how Adele's words described my trap (so to say), exactly what happened; emphasis mine

"...I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn'stay away, I couldn't fight it. 
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I'll remember you said,

"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"

No need in reiterating those words again. Now, i feel like being burnt, and feeling the aftermath pain, quite relieving, but has a distant displeasing sensation. On my my way back home, this morning, starring through the window of the bus, all of a sudden i began mumbling out the words to Asa's 360, I found some inspiration there, and in three weeks, i finally laugh out due to my own sense of humor. What did Asa say;

"We don't have to go
the 360 degrees,
Now it's time to go the 180 

You don't have to climb
The highest mountain
For all you're looking for
Is within you

Open the eyes of your mind
Your ears and mouth
As I sing my song

Open the eyes of your mind
Your ears and mouth
As you hear my words o o o"

In the moving vehicle, I felt there's something in me i'm ignoring and looking else where...This is just another time this is happening to me, and at first i spent all my time killing me, i felt so inappropriate, and tried working on myself. But late last year i learnt that it's nothing about me. But what it is, i just can't pin it. But I think Asa's words are doing me some favor, but don't forget those of Adele, -read that again. Thank you, so much, for your friendly care and how you weaned me off without harming my respect. Thank you.