That's Life

'That's life'...this is fast becoming my mantra, as I say it to myself, each time I come face to face with reality. When I can't afford something, or I can't have someone, I quickly pass it with, that's life. When I say it, I don't feel consoled neither do I get pacified, but it makes me more aware of my life and it's opportunities and challenges. That's life

 How many times I have fallen in love and it being thrown back in my face leaving me empty and soul searching. At times, I would make myself believe that I've got a problem...later on I'll realize nothing is wrong with me, and that's life

I recently offered to give to my church, and whilst I was praying and preparing my heart, so that I could get my blessings in return, I heard a voice (it was the Holy Spirit) deep and loud inside of me, telling me that God is not a money doubler. Honestly, this wasn't easy for me. I kept praying and hoping to hear the voice clearer. But for days, the voice reverberated in my ears and head severally. I though learnt a lesson in dealing with God, yet in reality it was hard to come to terms with. All I could assure my self was...that's life

I was listening to an article being read on radio, the article talked about the fact that in this life, we may never see what we ever wish for, and they might forever be locked in our fantasies. We may never hear what we want from the people we wish they had said it. This is nothing about life being unfair, but how life is probably supposed to be....it all ends up in my head as...that's life

Early 2013, I learnt to say the serenity prayer. It's one of which everyone should recite every morning. I have often times heard Fiifi Banson of peace FM, reciting it each time, he begins his show. I like the line that says..." Oh lord teach me to know what is right and give me the courage to do it, help me to know what I can change and what I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference". I believe that the wisdom of life lies in our ability to discern the distinction and variation in the things we can boldly do and that which our strength and courage can't suffice. 

Life is full of incongruities and vicissitudes. Like the tidal waves, the fluctuations in life can drain us of our passion and peace. Life till climax, will never be able to answer certain questions. Questions like why do bad things happen to good people? No sooner have we plunge in to the faith, do we come out choking, asking questions, as to why we were almost drowning. 

For me, this very moment of my life, happens to be a time I have just regained my faith after being shafted by doubt. Doubt that softly permeated in, in my quest to understand sacrifice. 

I think my whole life, has revolved around understanding sacrifice. In a chaffer with few colleagues, I was awakened with the reality, that sacrifice means, I won't get anything in return. It may happen that I may receive a reward some worth, but the cruel reality is that I might never get any, and might even be paid with evil...that's life.

I like to be loved, when I love. I like to be given back, when I give out. I like to be called back, when I call someone. I like mutual respect and relationship. But life doesn't guarantee that. The better I suss it out, the better it is for me. That's life. 

Though life has it's vicissitudes, yet it also has beautiful moments etched in it... Discovering those moments can at times be dissuading, yet it takes perseverance. Just to have peace, you have to fight for it. Quite ironic. This reminds me of a quote by Tao Te Ching, "One cannot understand one thing unless he or she understands its opposite"... To understand faith, you should understand doubt; to understand love, you should understand not being loved...that's life.

I don't know how you cool off, when the uncertainty of life hits you. I hope you find reflection in this. That's life.

I Hope: Letter to Abena

When I first heard the  words to  Rebecca Ferguson's I hope, I tried to ask myself obvious questions, but starring in the mirror, i couldn't find the missing pieces. I listened to the song several times at respite moments to decipher how i'm so related to this, because i knew that i was some-worth related.  Like we say, time tells, so i left the box unpacked and hoped that time will tell. I have this undying hope, that i try to define, but its meaning is much larger than i can clutch. Time finally came, and at a wrong click, a text unravels this whole agitation and meta-emotion.  Then all of a sudden, the message sunk deeper. In the words of the I hope song (paraphrased)

"I used to...Look into your eyes so eagerly

and where there was cold

I wouldn't walk away

'Cause...love is blind... so blind

But after a time

I realized that for me to grow

I've got to let go

I hope life treats you good

I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope

I hope life treats you well

I hope (s)he treats you well"

Its time for me to accept, and sink it deep through my skulls, that all i can do is but Hope for you.

This song resonates with that song i first heard from the stereo of a taxi driver, three years ago, people would ask, if you've hit a heartbreak if you were caught listening to the song, but today, i understand every single word in it, i meant, Adele's Someone Like you. Actually, what gets me trapped is the delusion of finding someone like you. I like the word you used yesterday, -to explore, it's not been a friendly word when this is concerned, because of the trap of finding someone like "you" -the you personified. Here's how Adele's words described my trap (so to say), exactly what happened; emphasis mine

"...I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. 
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I'll remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"

No need in reiterating those words again. Now, i feel like being burnt, and feeling the aftermath pain, quite relieving, but has a distant displeasing sensation. On my my way back home, this morning, starring through the window of the bus, all of a sudden i began mumbling out the words to Asa's 360, I found some inspiration there, and in three weeks, i finally laugh out due to my own sense of humor. What did Asa say;

"We don't have to go

the 360 degrees,

Now it's time to go the 180 

You don't have to climb

The highest mountain

For all you're looking for

Is within you

Open the eyes of your mind

Your ears and mouth

As I sing my song

Open the eyes of your mind

Your ears and mouth

As you hear my words o o o"

In the moving vehicle, I felt there's something in me i'm ignoring and looking else where...This is just another time this is happening to me, and at first i spent all my time killing me, i felt so inappropriate, and tried working on myself. But late last year i learnt that it's nothing about me. But what it is, i just can't pin it. But I think Asa's words are doing me some favor, but don't forget those of Adele, -read that again. Thank you, so much, for your friendly care and how you weaned me off without harming my respect. Thank you. 

Refreshing Me

I'm suppose to be hanging in with the Holyspirit this evening, usually,it's my time of worship.  Instead, i'm here hanging out with myself.
After returning from a 12hrs shift work, I was so exhausted, and all I could do was to bulge up a plate of wakye and off I snore.(not that I snore).
Woke from by a call from my sis, needed to get to the central district to get something for her.
Only to get back more exhausted and famished.
I had this light soup in the fridge,  and thought of heating it up and getting it down my throat.
But then, I realize I needed some kind of refreshing, down wash through me, my mind and body. I needed a time off the regular and have a time out there. I quickly negotiated with the holyspirit and dashed off to have some 'me' time.

Me time was with fried chips with grilled chicken and a milk drink,i just needed to calm down.
The milk drink is so calming....and the softness of the chicken is so succulent in the mouth.
At times like this I really want to share..but there's no one to call on.....
Anyway my mind is cool, my tommy is filled,my body is relaxing.
I try as much to connect back to the Holyspirit as soon as I get home....hmmmm...just felt a back ache...I need to just lie down.
It's not meant to be fun filled, just mind relaxing..eemm still finding a friend to share moments with...door open...heart receptive....alright winding down to go home.